How the Mighty Have Fallen (Maury Edition)

So as many of you have probably heard, there has been some controversy surrounding Ubisoft and it's business practices as of late. Known for their iconic game series such as Assassin's Creed, Splinter Cell, Rainbow Six, Far Cry and now Watch_Dogs, Ubisoft has been growing exponentially with every new release. Of course how wouldn't they be expanding so quickly, given that they've had to develop a new Assassin's Creed game every year for the past three or more years and (technically) a new Far Cry every year for the past three as well. Let's not forget to mention that two Assassin's games were released simultaneously this year, and that has also become a topic of heated debate. Since this has been examined from several angles all over the web already, Round_2 is going to try something new. Ubisoft- you're going on Maury.

If you're not familiar with the show, here's a little sample right above. Now, we don't have the expensive budget to make this episode a reality, so for now we're just going to have to share the script with you. Perhaps you'll see the episode play out on our YouTube channel in the future. Let's get started.

GUILTY!

Maury: Welcome everyone. Today we're going to be talking to a video game publishing company that's come under scrutiny for lying to gamers about the finished quality of their products, releasing unfinished, albeit broken, games and abusing the power of review embargoes.

Crowd: Booooo!

Maury: It's not gonna be pretty that's for sure. We've given Ubisoft a lie-decetor test to get down to their real intentions, and if they knowingly released their games in the state they were in. We've also got some avid gamers here who suggested we get the company into our studio to find out the truth! Let's bring them out now!

The crowd begins yelling uncontrollably, as crowds typically do.

Maury: Welcome to the show, nerds. It's not often we get to interrogate a business entity on our show, but this story seemed like it needed some deeper investigation.

Will: That's right Maury. We needed to bring to light the issues that we, as gamers, have been dealing with as it's infecting our hobby. It's something we'd expect from say, EA or Activision but not from Ubisoft.

Jem: I was contemplating going down to the Ubisoft headquarters and breaking $80 worth of stuff their to reconcile my recent game purchase *ahem* ripoff that I just had to deal with.

Crowd: Oohhhh!

Jem: Buuut, when we managed to get them on the show, I figured this would suffice.

Jordan: You also forgot to mention Maury, that they took away our pirate ships.

Maury: Pirate ships? What the hell are you talking about?

Taylor: Oh sorry, ignore him. Why don't we just get them out here and get this started?

Ubisoft walks out on stage, flipping everyone the bird and trying to yell over the screaming crowd.

Maury: Alright calm down everyone, let's let 'em talk.

Ubisoft: Thank you Maury. I was actually delighted to come on this show and state my case, because frankly-the public has been getting it all wrong. We never intended to hide anything from gamers with our review embargo. The last thing we would want is for a reviewer to spoil the game for anyone! So we had them wait to post their review, and what's the harm in that?

Jem: My wallet was harmed. $80 to be exact.

Crowd: Ohhhh!

Ubisoft: Hey hey, that's just like...your opinion man! I personally didn't like Grand Theft Auto V, I thought it was all-around overhyped, despite being the highest reviewed game all year. Did I complain? No! I just traded the product into my local EB Games for a quarter of the selling price and put that credit towards a pre-order for an even better open world game, Far Cry 4! Besides, I couldn't possibly pass up the chance to get exclusive skins for my wind-glider.

Maury: Now Ubisoft, how often will we actually see this wind-glider in game?

Ubisoft: Well, at E3 it was shown a hell of a lot, but we can't guarantee you'll see it very much in the actual game. Actually who knows what the finished product will look like. I mean, isn't that all part of the fun of buying a new video game?

Taylor: You're trying to justify the Watch_Dogs fiasco now, Ubi?

Ubisoft: I don't have to justify anything! You all should just let the lie detector do the talking. We never had any intention to violate the trust of the gaming community. We had your best interest in mind!

Will: This is kind of off-topic...but seriously you can't punch people in Watch_Dogs? What the hell!

The crowd begins yelling again, Maury stands up to quiet them down.

Maury: Okay, okay. Let's get back on track here. Ubisoft, we asked you several questions to determine if you truly had the gaming community in mind with your recent business decisions. Are you ready to here what our tests have determined?

Ubisoft: I'm ready, Maury.

"It's not going to be pretty."

Maury: Ubisoft. We asked if you had intended to keep the polished graphics from the spectacular Watch_Dogs E3 trailer in the final launch version. We've determined....that was a LIE!

Ubisoft: What!?

The crowd is getting louder now

Maury: We asked if you knew all along that Assassin's Creed Unity was broken before releasing it, and opted not to push back it's release. We've determined...that was a LIE!
And finally, we asked if you had any ill intention in holding back reviews from the public until twelve hours from release. You said no. We've determined...that was a LIE!

The crowd is yelling uncontrollably now, certain total nerds in the crowd have begun jumping up and down. The R_2 crew starts their own victory dance, as is tradition.

Ubisoft: I want to see these test results for myself!

Maury: I've been doing this long enough to know a liar when I see one. Clean up your act, or else your loyal game-buying public will turn it's back on you quicker than you can say Splinter Cell: Blacklist. Did I say that right?

Will: And don't f*%K up Far Cry 4!!

Maury: Has Ubisoft made an unbreakable deal with the console gaming devil? Find out after these messages....

And we're back! Hope you enjoyed that special Round_2 court case on our favorite television show. On a more serious note, yearly release cycles and abuse of review embargoes is becoming an increasingly annoying nuisance in gaming. With the upcoming release of Far Cry 4, one can only hope that we don't get a refurbished, re-skinned edition of one of the best open world games in years. We're watching you Ubisoft.

Not with a top hat and wand, but you get the point.

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